Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I remember, there was a time, about 9 years ago on my 7th birthday. It was my first birthday to be spent in school, and I had my hair braided because it was a special day. When I reached the door, Daddy told me to undo my hair and tie a proper ponytail, but I didn't listen, because I just wanted to look pretty on my birthday. So instead of going back into my room, I just walked to the lift. After daddy entered the lift and saw my braids, he gave me my first slap and told me to go back into the house to undo them. For the first time in my life, I felt a heartache that was so unbearable that you would have thought it'd make the loudest crash in the world. But it's silent, and it resounds within you.
That ache seems to come to me, ever so often now.
But it bugs me not because of the heightened work I've to complete in school.
It bugs me not because I hadn't had enough sleep for the past few weeks.
It bugs me not because I lost my ez link card for the first time after topping up my concession.
It bugs me not because I end up having to pay $50.
It bugs me not because I had to travel all the way to pasir ris after school ended at 4.40 alone, only to realise that I needed to bring my ic, which i didnt.
It bugs me not because I've no money left, after paying for everything, for class funds, for the lost card, for my tennis racquet, for the refunds.
It bugs me not because I can't even do one inclined pull up, no matter how hard i train and try.
It bugs me not because my foot sears with pain with every step i take, much less run, and all I want to do is run again.
It bugs me not because I can't go for a checkup, because my mom doesnt believe me when I say my foot hurts.
It bugs me not because some things have never been reciprocated all my life.
It bugs me not because sometimes, I feel as though that I need so much to run elsewhere, alone, to avoid the world's clutches.
It bugs me not because I find myself in tears these days.
It bugs me not because I'm discriminated all my life for the way I look, or my size.
It bugs me not because I find myself loaded with things to be done, yet I find no time for them.
It bugs me not because I find myself always waiting, waiting, only to realise I'm the only one who actually cared.
It bugs me
only because, through all those times, I feel as though I've been running alone.
the time is 7:02 PM
I remember, there was a time, about 9 years ago on my 7th birthday. It was my first birthday to be spent in school, and I had my hair braided because it was a special day. When I reached the door, Daddy told me to undo my hair and tie a proper ponytail, but I didn't listen, because I just wanted to look pretty on my birthday. So instead of going back into my room, I just walked to the lift. After daddy entered the lift and saw my braids, he gave me my first slap and told me to go back into the house to undo them. For the first time in my life, I felt a heartache that was so unbearable that you would have thought it'd make the loudest crash in the world. But it's silent, and it resounds within you.
That ache seems to come to me, ever so often now.
But it bugs me not because of the heightened work I've to complete in school.
It bugs me not because I hadn't had enough sleep for the past few weeks.
It bugs me not because I lost my ez link card for the first time after topping up my concession.
It bugs me not because I end up having to pay $50.
It bugs me not because I had to travel all the way to pasir ris after school ended at 4.40 alone, only to realise that I needed to bring my ic, which i didnt.
It bugs me not because I've no money left, after paying for everything, for class funds, for the lost card, for my tennis racquet, for the refunds.
It bugs me not because I can't even do one inclined pull up, no matter how hard i train and try.
It bugs me not because my foot sears with pain with every step i take, much less run, and all I want to do is run again.
It bugs me not because I can't go for a checkup, because my mom doesnt believe me when I say my foot hurts.
It bugs me not because some things have never been reciprocated all my life.
It bugs me not because sometimes, I feel as though that I need so much to run elsewhere, alone, to avoid the world's clutches.
It bugs me not because I find myself in tears these days.
It bugs me not because I'm discriminated all my life for the way I look, or my size.
It bugs me not because I find myself loaded with things to be done, yet I find no time for them.
It bugs me not because I find myself always waiting, waiting, only to realise I'm the only one who actually cared.
It bugs me
only because, through all those times, I feel as though I've been running alone.
the time is 7:02 PM